20-L cyanide capsule or flee and how : AnythingGoes | Torhoo darknet markets

please please please, allow this post to go thru as i dont know where to look, although my alternatives may be dark, where else am i able to freely discuss such a raw topic. im not trying to promote what i may see as my preferred options im just genuinely looking for straight up answers.
(sorry moderators, if i cant post this here , tell me where i can post this and get honest answers, after all, shakespears famous quote of "to be or not to be" is tought to us in middle-high school, no maliciousness or promotion of this, just pondering on what man has in many situations for all of humanity)


im keeping insanely high confidence in my case as most of everyone i know sees me as doomed because they looked up the minimum of these charges.

for context , im ealy twenties american facing high level drug trafficking charges (sch I,II) in 400+ grams and many other offenses, after a raid on my home. although not investigated by fbi, dea, or any other federal org atm.they found with around 2000 pressed perscription pills and a few other small (under 7g amounts) of other substiances.
traff sch 1 400+ grams alone is a 20 years mandatory sentance, to life, not including several other charges. im not doing no fucking 20+.

but, im not going out without a fight , im paying for a top notch lawyer, 20k off rip who was a former DA, my court date isnt for 90 days, and i was for some reason released for them needing more time to test substances. when they originally pulled me from my home they asked a bunch of questions i was hazy to rememer and i firmly kept trying to excersising my right to remain silent. go ahead and call me stupid but i did feed into a few questions, and i kept as vauge as i could. yes i fucked up , but man as much as i know to be completly quiet, i fed into it just slightly, as they had just woken me up out of my sleep and i was in a daze. so without repeating im a fucking idiot too many times, here was the mistakes i may have made in the questioning.

LE:"unless you cooperate youre looking at serious prison time"
me: im happy to cooperate, just with my lawyer
they layed off me a bit
LE: "whats in the pills" "where do they come from"
me: idk, i think they come from california but idk anything else as all deals are anon
LE: "and you ship them here?"
Me: no not here i dont know, thats all i know
LE: "does the name (personal x associate, who use to live at the place) ring a bell
me: yes he use to live here, but he was always doing sloppy odd activities
LEl " so he kind of leeched off you and lived with you and and stuff"
Me: pretty much

and they tried to ask me more questions but i just kept saying lawyer cna cooperate with you guys, as i had no intention of directly incriminating my self with admission of being a dealer.

all these could have nailed down some charges but can be spun in court but i might of fucked myself, i was stunned with flashbangs, fresh out of my sleep, and hung over as hell.

yes i fucked up, but now im looking at best 5 absolute best if they drop the trafficing charges to maybe minimum of 20 with posibility of parole.

im abouit to play 20k for a top notch laywer who said not doing time is realistic, like a few ys probation/ house arrest and is well connected with the drug crime unit and even the judge who signed my warrant, not sure how much that truly matters. but

should i flee? if so , where to and how so? i still have my US passport, which on my only prior (reckless driving) i had a probation officer, and was able to go to comlumbia but upon my return in miami was brought into a room an interrigated for leaving the country until they realized i had no travel ristriction and they let me go to my next connecting flight. could i do that again to a better kind of counry and just not return? or how could i, i have 140k usd in cash to do so.

secondarily if i am to be sentanced to 20-L , how could i craft a cyanide capsul to chew uppon sentencing. or can someone give me some tip on that, ik its prob not allowed on here and dont pat my back n say i can do with getting out at 55, as a useless relic, with half my life wasted asking for commecary and being treated like a bad daycare child with unhinged convicts where my life would be hell, i could teach a guy on the outside to order me spice sheets from a vendor to have somewhat a nice life for maybe like 5 years, but 20? id rather check out .

no false hope or motivation, dying a young man with people who will grieve my loss would be better in my eyes than dying 65-75 being a stranger to any family who is still alive while working a dead end job for a decade to die deperessed isnt an option.

much love,

a man in desperate need of the advice to give me my best chances of not facing physiclogical torure that is prison.