🥇 CONTEST 🥇 | Tell us your favorite joke! : Contests | Torhoo darknet markets

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We have incredibly enjoyed reading everyone's jokes and have decided the user https://torhoo.cc/go.php?u=TDNVdmNtdHY=# has won!

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RoyalStix

2 guys walk into a bar. Or was it 2 guys walk into each other on bars? I can't remember. Did someone say bars? I'm off of a bar right now. Did 2 guys go into a bar? I'm also in a bar.

The moral of the story is don't mix xanax and alcohol. And if you're going to, don't drive to the bar.

And if you're still going to, don't write a shitty joke on mixing xanax and alcohol, that was my idea.

Two pathologists are having a conversation:
- Hey, do you remember that blonde we did an autopsy on two days ago?
- Of course, what about her?
- Well, her clitoris was like a lemon.
- Oh, was it that big?
- No man, it was that sour.
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Two old men are complaining to each other:
- I have arthritis, radiculitis, sclerosis, Parkinson's, kidney stones, asthma...
- Oh come on, is there anything you don't have?
- Yeah, I don't have teeth.
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A man was coming home late in the evening and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.
At one point, he hears a strange noise. He sees some old man with a hammer and chisel carving something on a tombstone.
- Hey, old man, you really scared me! I thought you were some kind of ghost. What are you doing here at this time?
- These goddamn idiots messed up my name on the gravestone, and I have to fix it...
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The ringmaster in a circus show announces:
- May I present to you The Boy with the Phenomenal Memory, who will now pee on the first two rows!
The spectators in the first two rows started to scramble and run. The ringmaster continued:
- Please don’t run – it’s pointless! The boy has a phenomenal memory!
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Swimming competition for the disabled.
In the first lane, a person without arms.
In the second lane, a person without legs.
And in the third lane, just a head, without a body.
The start is given. Everyone starts swimming, but only the head stays on deck. The audience is stunned.
The head's coach runs over, kicks it angrily, and it falls in the middle of the pool thus ruining the competition.
The pissed off coach asks the head:
- Why the fuck did you mess up things like that?
- Well, I've been learning to swim with my ears for a whole year, and now some idiot put a swimming cap on me!

dark humour is like a kid with cancer
it never gets old

what do white people and sharks have in common?

the great ones are white

why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

cause black people cant swim

what part of the vegetable is not edible?
the wheelchair

1)
A border guard with a dog is patrolling the strip at night. Suddenly he hears a noise coming from some bushes. The guard turns to the dog and says:
"Go run and see what's in the bushes!"
The dog looks at him and replies:
"You fucking go! i can bark from right here..."

2)
A police officer sees a child on the street and asks: "Kid what is your name?"
"Like dads"
"Oh yeah ? Whats his?"
"Like mine" says the kid.
"What are both of you called then?"
"The same"

3)
A house on a busy street.
"Honey, lets buy some curtains. When i undress i am afraid the people from the street might see me!"
"No worries honey, when they see you they'll buy us the curtains themselves !"

4)
An eight year old boy sees two flies having a fuck on the window.
"Mom are there male flies?"
"Of course there are dear." Boy asks again: "Mom so are there female flies?"
The mother realizes he will ask something inappropriate so she answers:
"No my boy…" The boy then hits the flies with the fly swatter and shouts frantically:
"You faggots death to you !"

This isn't really a joke, but a funny poem my dad use to always tell:

Woman

She’s an angel in truth, a demon in fiction
A woman’s the greatest of all contradiction
She’s afraid of a cockroach,
she’ll scream at a mouse

But she’ll tackle a husband as big as a house
She’ll take him for better,
She’ll take him for worse
She’ll split his head open and then be his nurse

And when he is well and can get out of bed
She’ll pick up a teapot and throw at his head
She’s faithful, deceitful, keen-sighted and blind
She’s crafty, she’s simple, she’s cruel, she’s kind

She’ll lift a man up, she’ll cast a man down
She’ll make him her hero, her ruler, her clown
You fancy she’s this, but you’ll find that she’s that
For she’ll play like a kitten, and fight like a cat.

In the morning she will, in the evening she won't
And you're always expecting she will but she won't.

Composed by Alfred J. Krieg

1. Why did the scammer bring a flashlight to the darknet party?
To light up the deals and make sure there are no shady transactions!

2. Why did the drug dealer go to art school?
To learn how to draw more customers!

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks!

chicken butt

penis

Whenever people ask me about losing my virginity, I think a lot about my first high school football game. There was blood, sweat, tear, and while I didn't feel like a winner, at least my dad came.

What's the difference between weed and a prostitute?

Actually not much, I like to grind them both and light them on fire afterwards.

my drug test just came back negative!!!!!
................
................
my dealer has some explaining to do..........

Can't really think of any at the moment but here's one that i think is like a peepee poopoo hair type of joke that i think is a tad bit funny.
Ever wondered why they never have toilet paper at any KFC washrooms? Cause it's finger licking good!

hello /u/newbieforever2018 remember me from Dr_Seuss contests? This is the same tribe.

There's was a man called "No Fear" there's nothing on this world makes him terror,fright,panic you name it all.
He travel to Bangladesh to fulfill his final quest, theres a humor came from the tribe, about the most nightmare you can ever imagine. He met this elder tribe name parc siht tihs wearing loincloth,
they wait till the night and put all the fire out. Sit infront of me and no matter what happened don't run or move and i will acknowledge you as "No Fear" the elder said. The fearless man agreed.
As the night getting deeper the elder stand up with the help of his stick and step back until darkness eat him. No Fear witness this.
A minute later the elder come into his sight again pointing the stick at him sweating as the elder getting closer and closer to him the man suddenly stand and run for his life.
The tribe member ask "what did you do?"
Elder said: i shit and poke it using the end of my stick.
And the tribe laugh.

ps: sorry for the wrong grammar kinda high on weed rn and this story pop up to my head and made me laugh and share it to you guys cheers!

1.What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is very heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

2.Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there."

3.How are broccoli and anal sex similar?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult.

4.My grandpa always said when one door closes, another one opens. Smart man but a horrible cabinet maker.

5.“Look, a flock of cows!!”
“Herd of cows,”
“Yeah, I have; there’s a flock of them over there.


Hope you guys liked it.

Three logicians enter a bar. The bartender asks, "Will all three of you be having beers?"
The first logician says: "I don't know."
The second logician says: "I don't know."
The third logician says: "Yes!"

I'm on a sea food diet. I see food, and if its a fish I eat it.
RIP Norm

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Why did the Orphans buy drugs from Incognito Market ?

Because when it comes to disappearing, they were already used to it!

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Why Does Batman's Mask Only Cover half of His Face!?

To let the Cops know He is White.

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Imagine a pregnant Teenager reading Test Positive on Pregnancy.

She and her baby have the same thought:

"SHIT! My Mom is going to Kill Me. "

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Do you Know why 9/11 victims are the fastest readers?

Because they went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.

Nb: Take it as a joke. No offence intended.

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What’s the difference between HugBunter’s prison time and running Dread?

In jail, the only thing getting DDoS’d was his privacy. On Dread, it's the whole fuckin community.

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A woman suffered terrible burns on her face and needed a skin graft.
Her husband became the donor, providing skin from his backside.
After the operation, the woman regained consciousness, looked in the mirror, and said:
"I don't even know how to thank you darling."
"You don't need to thank me. It's enough for me to watch your mother kiss you."



A teacher said to the class:
"Yesterday, I assigned you an essay about winter. Peter, please read what you wrote."
Peter started:
"The cheerful snowflakes dance in the air like butterflies..."
The teacher interrupted him:
"That's enough! Excellent! And you, Jimmy - what did you manage to write?"
"The trees donned a beautiful white cloak..."
The teacher nodded approvingly:
"Very good! Elliot, let's hear from you!"
The little rascal read:
"In the middle of the frozen lake Ralfie the dog is doing his bitch dog Bella hard!"
The teacher was taken aback:
"Oh dear me! This is a very awkward situation!"
Elliot shrugged:
"How could it be comfortable, teacher? Do you know how slippery is for their paws ?"



After a serious binge, a man wakes up in a strange room with a young girl.
He gently strokes her and looks around happily until he sees some high school textbooks on the bedside table.
Startled and shocked, he asks:
"What are these textbooks?"
"Oh, those? They belong to my older sister."



A woman gets into a taxi with her son, warning the driver not to talk to her son because he will outsmart him. During the ride, the child keeps talking:
"If mom were a violinist and dad were a violinist, I would be a violinist. If mom were a teacher and dad were a teacher, I would be a teacher."
The taxi driver gets tired of listening to the nonsense and asks the child:
"And if your mom were a whore and your dad a faggot, what would you be?"
"A taxi driver."



A conversation between colleagues:
"Can’t we hire some programmers who don’t smell?"
"If they don’t smell, it means they have friends. If they have friends, it means they go outside. If they go outside, it means they’re not programming."

Why did a DNM vendor get so many requests from his buyers?
Because his supply chain was a little too dope to handle

I bought some shoes from a vendor. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Why does Muhammad have so many wifes? BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE TIME TO CLEAN THE DISHES!!! 🤣😂

Which came first?

1. The Pack? OR
2. The United States Postal Inspector?

Well my pack of course, because the vendor used good stealth XD XD
As a matter of fact, the United States Postal Inspector NEVER showed up at my door!!

A cop came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs.....'' I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs.

"Did you hear about the Chinese Godfather?"


--He made them an offer they couldn't understand.©

I told my boss three companies were after me, so I asked for a raise to stay

As the electric, gas, and water companies are relentless.

Once Newbie's dog was wandering in the forest. While wandering, he spots a jaguar snorting coke. He goes to Jaguar and says, "why are you wasting your precious life doing drugs! Come with me, I'll show you how beautiful the forest is." So the Jaguar agrees and joins the dog. Moving miles ahead, they encounter a meth smoking Hippo. The dog goes to the hippo and says, "why are you wasting your life doing drugs! Come with me, I'll show you how beautiful the forest is." So the Hippo agrees and joins the dog and the Jaguar. Moving miles ahead, they encounter a Monkey high on weed. Newbie's dog goes to him and says "why are you wasting your life doing drugs! Come with me, I'll show you how beautiful the forest is." But the Monkey doesn't move an inch and starts rolling another joint. Seeing this, the Jaguar reacts, "dude, why are you ignoring such a noble and holy person?"
The Monkey says "holy my butt!! Dude pops acid, just roams around, and takes people for a hike."

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What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen

(1)
A bimbo goes to a fortune teller.
"Tell me how will I spend my summer vacation?"
"You will have a lots of emotions and wild sex, and in the end, you will get a big beating."
"But how come?!"
"Your husband will find out everything."

(2)
Medical doctors decide the faith of a patient.
- And so gents, what do we decide? Should we treat the patient or shall we let him live?

(3)
At the court.
- Where were you on the night of the murder?
- I was dancing, sir.
- Can you prove that?
- Of course, just play some music.

(4)
A horse walks into a bar.
"Bartender, give me a soda!"
"Don't you want whiskey?"
"Nope, I'm with the carriage."

(5)
- Excuse me, do you have religious icons?
- No!
- How about candles?
- None either!
- What about vigil lights?
- Sir, this is the prosecutor's office! There’s nothing sacred in here.

Donald Trump is now the president of the United States of America for the second time.

___________________________________________


Elon Musk will run a new Department of Government Efficiency (aka DOGE)

Drum rolls please - 🎵Ba dum tss🥁

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Fox News personality Pete Hegseth has been nominated as secretary of defense.

🎵Ba dum tss🥁

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Kremlin has consistently denied any involvement in the US election, stating that they are merely observing the process "closely."

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The last and the funniest joke- You🫵.

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/1/
In an apartment building full of sadists a mother is dragging her child down the stairs by the leg and his head bumps on every step.
A neighbor sees this and says:
- What kind of a mother are you, don’t you see that the child’s hat could fall off ?
- Relax, I nailed it on !

/2/
Conversation between good friends.
- Why are you sitting on this gas can?
- For safety. I'm trying to quit smoking.

-"Drug dealer” sounds so judgmental

I prefer “piller of the community”.


-"Dad , how do stars die?"
"Usually an overdose."


-I wanted to make a joke about Pharoah and I was scared to do it but my mate said I can do that without a trouble for 15-20 years now.


-What do you call a scam artist who is walking down the stairs?

Condescending.


-I wanted to lose some weight but the markets are ddosed lately.

Why don’t skeletons do risky things?

Because they don’t have the balls for it!

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable ?

The wheelchair.

Contest has ended. Judging will now begin. That you for participating and good luck!

https://torhoo.cc/go.php?u=TDNVdlVtOTVZV3hUZEdsNA==# Please let me know when you have the winner chosen so that I can unlock this for your addition.

Why are African Americans afraid of chainsaws?


-Runnnnn-nigganiggga