How We Caught LSD by Measuring Paper - An NCB Masterclass : DarknetMarketsIndia | Torhoo darknet markets

NCB KOCHI OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE

"Operation MELON: We caught 1127 tabs and 0 actual criminals."

After 14 months of sipping chai and scrolling Reddit, our agents finally took down the country’s most dangerous fruit vendor, “Ketamelon.”
Seized: Our elite dark web team - consisting of 1 retired SBI typist, 1 intern who uses DuckDuckGo, and 3 constables who think “Tor” is a new bike - worked round the clock to bring down Ketamelon. The same guy who we ignored for 2 years because we thought he was selling fruit.


🍉 1127 LSD blots (weight verified using our trusted paperweight)
💉 131g ketamine (measured with kitchen spoon accuracy)
💰 ₹70 lakh crypto wallet (password: hopefully123)

We’ve successfully made:

1 arrest

7 selfies in front of a table full of drugs WE put there

19 PowerPoint slides explaining “What is Dark Web?” to seniors who think Onion is a vegetable

Meanwhile:
🚛 600+ successful shipments already reached buyers.
📦 All retail users safe and high.
🕳️ Darknet vendors rebranded and re-listed within 48 hours.
🥲 NCB still figuring out how PGP works.

Special Achievement:

We mistook blotter paper weight as LSD weight and added it to the case file. That way, each stamp weighs 3 grams now. Case closed. Commercial quantity confirmed.

We will now launch Operation JACKFRUIT, targeting a vendor selling 2C-B mislabeled as “organic vitamin drops.”

To the remaining vendors:
Please continue your operations - but don’t forget to send us press kits so we can post photos next to your stash after raids. Helps with our Instagram engagement.

Final warning:
We're always watching.
NCB, signing off.
Time to celebrate the bust with some chai and a press conference where we mispronounce LSD as “LCD”.

#OperationMelon #StampsNotStoners #DarknetSaferThanGovtServers
- NCB India | Narcotically Confused Bureau