Torhoo onion mirror : torhoocc3yugradvhrppml2fin4xob7kgg7uf42s4xk7p6r5vzy62ead.onion

Is anyone like me? : MentalHealth | Torhoo darknet markets

Appear to have it well.

Built a career, nice car, exercize regularly, finances in order, property, routine, healthy, travel regularly, play sports.

Some may envy, some may respect, some may aspire, some would be proud.

Every now and then I isolate myself and do hard drugs without enjoyment for up to maybe 1 week straight.
I choose to do this around once per year, maybe twice. Some years I just do not.

I do not know what triggers this, I just randomly decide it is time, and it makes me feel dysfunctional and depressed.

My baseline mood is anxious and depressed, but no one would ever know because I mask it with exaggerated friendliness and hobbies.

Why am I like this?
Can anyone relate?

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

Slightly.
If the drug binge has no enjoyment, what tells you to do it? I mean, I do substances because I enjoy them, not the other way around. Could you describe more of what may trigger this then?

/u/racoontalks 📢

1 points

1 month ago

Thank you for your comment, it is insightful. I enjoy psychadelics and disassociatives for sure.

l like the heroine high but the withdrawals are awful.

Crack is what I'm thinking about in the OP. I don't enjoy it but it is what I tend to opt for. Cocaine is another option, but it makes me paranoid, anxious and depressed.

So to answer your question, I'm unsure. I guess it's the intensity that I crave. Maybe intense emotions (depression/paranoia) or the intense buzz while smoking, but not the actual high.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

Of course. I'm curious if you've ever done nitrous oxide, if you don't mind me asking.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

Do you enjoy your work also? I mean it took a lot of shit jobs to find a halfway decent one I don't regret going to every day. I mean I have bad days as well, everybody does, but I believe this offers a lot of peace.

/u/racoontalks 📢

1 points

1 month ago

Great question! I enjoy the constant problem solving and technical skills required. It is very stressful but rewarding. Imposter syndrome is prevalent, though. Constant fear of setting expectations too high and not being good enough.
I'm unsure why because my contributions are very valuable throughout the business.

It's nice to hear you have found peace in your work!

Many hate their jobs and it can make them very cynical and miserable.

So much time is spent there, so I am very happy for you!

Also thank you for the constant engagement.

This is the first time I've posted something like this regarding personal problems, ever.

Very grateful for you sharing your thoughts.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

Of course. You can PM me anytime if you just need an ear also. PGP preferred though.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

I could give a fuck about someones car. Especially if the car is still on payments. All I think is dumb dumb dumb then. But that's my opinion and worth what you paid for it.

/u/racoontalks 📢

1 points

1 month ago

I agree with you when I think about other people's vehicles. What drew me to get a nice car was that I would get embarrassed in certain public settings. I got a very good deal compared to the market value for the model, but still overpriced IMO. Agreed that financing a car, particularly beyond your means is a bad decision.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

I had the crappiest car in my work parking lot. There was someone else who had something fairly similar though. Otherwise, 90% of them were three years or younger.
Mine also started every day and made it to work every day also. Do you know how much I cared? Zero.
I've had a brand new car once. I did pay cash for it. One of the worst decisions ever.

/u/racoontalks 📢

1 points

1 month ago

I love this! It is refreshing to hear your opinion because it is uncommon in my experience.

I can think of only 2 people like this, both fathers that realize it is unwise to use money to project a high socioeconomic status. I theorize that they developed this thinking after having children.

I bought mine because of the social pressure in the work environment. There was no direct pressure, but I felt judged and embarrassed.

I'm not proud of the purchase out of principle, but it does bring me slight enjoyment. Very very slight enjoyment. But when I look at it, I feel good.

/u/MrBacon420 P 🅸'🅼 Here to Help!

1 points

1 month ago

And like you said above, ratios. Our yearly income to vehicle value ratio is around 25%. Once you get into 50% and higher, you're going to have problems.

I'm sure you understand, but just for clarity to others who may read this.

If you make $100.000 a year, you should not have any more than $50,000 in things with motors in it. Boats, ATV's, etc. Or else it's a very uphill road to build wealth.

/u/Elfza3h

1 points

1 month ago

I'm pretty sure so many people are like that too. seems seeking professional help would help you.

/u/Croatoan

1 points

1 month ago

I did a therapy program for 8 weeks and learned a lot about myself (and a lot about others). If you do not mind, I would like to point out a few things in your post of which I learned...

You state to have it "well" then immediately list materialistic, superficial items. These have nothing to do with happiness nor character. It appears you are trying to fill a void that originates in another deep place. As if, searching for external justification from a previous incident related to personal relationships ie parents when younger etc by "showing off" how "successful" you are. This is backed by your comments of "others are envious and respect." From what? Your vehicle? This is a classic mistake. They do not give a shit. You give the shit. Why? There is something deeper here...

The isolation is a personal defensive mechanism from something. Doing drugs you would be covering up another trauma of something. As for the length, there could be a correlation. There is a trigger of some sort. You would need to reflect on this and highly recommended to have professional assistance in this discovery for your own benefit.

You state exaggerated friendliness and hobbies. This sounds like classic codependency issues and a gross overcompensation of something. This is NOT a good thing. It sounds counterintuitive (which is totally does) but please trust me (yeah, the rando from the darkweb) it is not.

I am not here to be an assholed dickhead. I CAN relate to this as I have been there myself. I had to have intense therapy and self-discovery to find out my personal journey. It appears, there is some work here to be done. I highly highly highly recommend professional help with this, as I would never have ever been able to have done it myself.

PM me if you need anything else or any of the resources they gave me while in the program.

Good luck to you

croatoan

/u/ENVickY7

1 points

1 month ago

i feel you, not the drugs part, but on the outside i have the "perfect life", but i regularly seek pain for relief of my numbness :(

/u/milkorcereal 🍼

1 points

1 week ago

Damn I feel like you are me xD

/u/scopiyouy 🍼

1 points

2 days ago

whats about u? you tho like topic starter right?