Lonely at the top : CafeDread | Torhoo darknet markets
Just want to get this off my chest.
I worked for years, averaging 15 hours a day. From fraud to fraud to scaling to going bankrupt,...
Always had trouble sleeping. Always paranoid If I made some critical mistake that was gonna eventually get me in trouble. I still have that to some degree.
I reached my financial goal not a long time ago.
Moved to a different continent, got a visa, settled in, and life is good on paper.
Writing this on balcony of a beautiful apartment with a beach view. With a prostitute sleeping in my bed.
Sounds nice right?
All my relationships have been very superficial and still are for obvious reasons.
Life seems so empty. Like if you finished the game's main story line and are now just wandering around the world before you eventually quit the game.
I can't even put the feelings in words. I'm just numb.
I thought this is what I wanted, this is what I dreamed of. But after getting it, I now realize this isn't what I want at all.
I have no motivation, goals or ambitions. I wish I did because I wouldn't be writing this.
Suicide is becoming more appealing each day. Not because I'm in pain or anything.
But because I think I've reached the end. I experienced everything there is to experience here in some form or another.
And I'm just really curious if there is anything more to this life then this. Because this can't be it.
Natural selection. If I jump today, I'm sure someone will find the article and connect the dots.
Those who know, know. I'm not sorry.
This is exactly the type of thinking that limits US (not only you, all of us) into confining ourselves into this dense void of ego. There is a ton more you have yet to experience in life but nobody can tell you that you are stuck in your ways other than yourself.
Death is only the beginning. Make sure you understand that suffering is a choice. Do what you will with that.